Thursday, February 18, 2010


This is my first "blog" yet, and it was created by accident (I shall tell later). I have made many facebook notes because it is accessible by my friends and family, but this is more legit (somehow).

I created this when trying to leave a message on the Madera Riviera (which I recommend for the more sane of my readers).

Anyways, I Really want to dance, at a dance party, or something like that.

To more solemn matters, have you felt paralyzed by fear, and kind of deteriorating slowly, like you are quietly suffocating your dreams one by one, and feel slightly disgusted about it. That is what I am kind of feeling like right now. If I make it through this quarter without failing any classes and off of AP and still at Cal Poly, then I will be most amazed, and thankful to God (yes I am a Christian). Either way, my dreams may be crushed forever, or perhaps I shall just dream something else up, or maybe, somehow, I will make it through Cal Poly as an Electrical Engineer with the ability to conquer all.

I am developing serious doubts in my math abilities (which is a deal-breaker when it comes to EE). My reading comprehension is good, my philosophy teacher likes the ways I reason and write, but I cannot see any financial future in Philosophy. Business, the saviour of many a would-be engineer, is another road, but I don't know about that either. I was thinking of Economics but the math aspect may get me in trouble again.

Whatever the case, I need to seriously rethink my life, do some soul searching, talk to the OG (original God). Get things sorted out. Do I have the motivation to continue on? Can I drink some magical motivation juice and make myself work harder and longer and I dont know. My biggest fear at this point is having to change majors to something I cannot get a job with, and working at some dead-end, soul-destroying, minimum-wage paying job, and living out all my days in constant fear of losing it and not being able to pay for rent. Oh that and dying alone.

Oh and I enjoy writing poetry,
another useless talent of mine.

nearly imperceptible,
a comment made about weather,
enjoying the greenery, the sun,
yet it feels so precarious,
something is failing, within the machine.
now the gears are dry, and quietly wearing away
at themselves.
without rancor, no shrieks nor screams;
just a quiet moaning in a deep bass tone.
like a whale communicating to its fellows,
that something is awry,
that the ocean is warming,
that we are are all slowly dying,
but we are all at peace with It
because we are all together.
kind of like someone stuck in quicksand,
not struggling, just slowly sinking,
and finally being overtaken.